Resilience is everyone`s business

Top Tips to help build resilience as a parent/carer

 'The kids who need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving of way' - Unknown

1. Let’s Talk! 
As hard as it may be sometimes, keeping those channels of communication open is really important.  Tell them what you think, feel or believe in a way that will help you solve problems and not blame.

2. Listen with your heart! 
Listening is one of the most important ways that we can build resilience. Rather than operating on ‘auto-parent’ we will help our children know they are important by giving them our undivided attention. Children feel important and worthy when we listen to them.
Listening with your heart allows you to be understanding, take in your child’s perspective, or see the world through his or her eyes.

3. We can do it!
Even if you can’t change a stressful situation, you can change your reaction to it! Helping your child realise that is all part of being resilient.  Counting to 10 or walking away or being creative…..finding something else or changing your reaction really helps

4. Change is good and things happen!
Accepting the things you cannot change allows you to focus on the things you can – be positive.  Helping your child to see this is really important so they don’t feel helpless either.

Teaching our children that things happen in life and sometimes they are not what we want and are hard to deal with, but that’s life and we will get through it and be fine – don’t give up. The thing is knowing how and learning from challenges and hard times and knowing when and where to ask for support and help.  Also letting your children know that we as parents and carers find things hard as well, that we are not perfect (always!). 

 5. In their shoes!
Giving advice when children are upset just makes them feel frustrated, or foolish. When they tell you they feel sad, saying “Cheer up, you’ll be ok. There’s no reason to feel like that” will make them feel even worse and that their feelings are stupid or don’t matter creating a feeling that they are not normal.
Instead, reflect their emotions and avoid advice or lectures. Try:
 “I can see it’s been a tough day for you today.”
 “Wow, that must have made you feel really disappointed.”

6. Accept our children for who they are!
Your child is likely to be resilient if she feels accepted for who she is. To really accept our children for who they are we must resist the temptation to judge and criticise.
Letting children know exactly what you love about them or why you are proud of them can really build resilience.
 “I am so proud to be your mum. The way you treated the children outside the school this afternoon made me feel like the luckiest mum in the world!”
“You worked so hard at that activity today. I know you didn’t come first, but all that matters is that you tried hard – and it looked to me like you gave it everything you had!”
 Remember, be specific. And avoid general praise such as “You’re such a good boy.” This is meaningless and can be taken back at any time. But when we let our children know we accept and love them they feel like they can conquer anything!  Remember the ordinary magic!

7. Choices, choices!
We all have choices and giving children and young people a choice and letting them make decisions as well as taking responsibility for those is key to building resilience.  As long as we are supportive and help them learn when it doesn’t go to plan……’I told you so’ doesn’t help!

8. Smile and tell them you love them no matter what!  :-)

For more tips go to Kidspot.comthis external link will open in a new window

‘Our children don’t need to be ‘fixed’ as much as they need to be loved!’- Unkown